The Island of Dr. Moreau

Review by -sic_est-

"It has been stupidly dealt with... by people who ought to know better," said H.G. Wells in an interview in 1897, when asked about the critical reception his novel had gotten after it's release a year earlier. A hundred years later things haven't really changed. The Island of Dr. Moreau is like a train wreck, something you watch out of morbid fascination, dying to see what manifested from a chaotic production.

The story should be familiar to most: a man is shipwrecked and ends up in an island, where two scientists create "humanimals", animals capable of human behaviour. The humanimals are kept in line with the Law, which denies all inhuman activities (walking on four legs, etc.). Naturally, the outsider sees the whole thing go to Hell in a handbasket when a revolution ensues. The scientists get what was coming to them and the outsider barely leaves with his life. I wouldn't lie too much if I'd say that this synopsis - along with some character names - is the only thing in the movie bearing even the slightest resemblance to the novel.

The only excuse to see the movie is to see Marlon Brando as Dr. Moreau and Val Kilmer his assistant, Montgomery. The rest of it has been done better in either the original novel or hundreds of other movies. But these two guys are something else, let me tell you. I'll focus on them, so you wouldn't have to sit through this dog-vomit.

Dr. Moreau and his henchman are heavily reimagined by their portrayers. In the book, the Doctor is cold and tough-as-nails when it comes to elevating animals to a higher level. Vivisection isn't a big deal, because he already was blackballed by the science industry for his 'unethical' methods. Worrying about bad PR in your own private island paradise would be a waste, now wouldn't it? Now ruthless and unbound, he's been dubbed "The Father" by the humanimals. They are controlled with the fear of ending up to the House of Pain, which is in fact Moreau's laboratory, their place of "birth".

Brando takes the title to a different direction, turning the good doctor into a 500 pound Pope. I shit you not, a pope with sunglasses and a kabuki makeup. It's got to be Marlon's subtle way of pointing out the level of sacriledge going down here. Not to mention his motives, as Moreau now tries to create a new race "free of evil", instead of just trying to make a new breaktrough in genetic engineering and reclaim his appreciation. Deliver us from evil, I'll say. He also has the perfect way of maintaining order: an amulet that has a remote control producing a pain signal to all humanimals. So this is what made House of Pain obsolete as a punishment method!

Val Kilmer doesn't perform much better. The original Montgomery was ousted from the industry like Moreau. He had developed a drinking problem, which had led to a scandal of some sort. After that only someone like Moreau would give him a job as a researcher. Though dedicated and taking the rules seriously, Montgometry follows his superior's example in making his shortcoming an asset. He drinks heavily while undergoing stress, since Moreau's work ultimately disgusts him. While drunk, his violent tendencies are uncovered.

In the film, Val smokes dope. Not to loosen up, since he appears to be more or less high his entire screentime. His characters behaviour is - if possible - even more lunatic than Brando's. He was banished for what one can gather from his dubious lines, but his motives are left in the dark. Montgomery constantly uses p.s. and doubletalk, never giving a straight answer to anything. One moment he's Moreau's best buddy, the next it seems he wants to tear down the whole show.

Screwing around in most of his scenes adds to the mix. Monty puts flowers in his mouth, attatches a circuit board into his forehead, takes out a hat just to reveal another... Guess ol' Monty's going through a period of schizophrenia. This theory is amplified by his impersonation of Porky Pig, err... Moreau. After the rogue humanimals ambush Moreau and tear him apart, Montgomery assumes his identity, thus completing the Full Monty. Which is not much. Fortunately he's blown away soon after, accompanied by the most self-ironic death line in cinematic history: "I want to go to Dog Heaven." You're halfway there, Val. Keep it up.

As for the others, there are the contenders for MTV's most embarrassed screen couple, the outsider and Moreau's "daughter", a woman with a leopard inside her. They are played by David Thewlis and Fairuza Balk, respectively, who do their best to either stay away from the camera or hope to breath life into a weak script. The same goes for the humanimals. Bunch of good actors are wasted under a ton of Stan Winston's makeup. Their overacting goes sky-high after Moreau's and Montgomery's deaths, with the whole thing turning "into a 1/4-assed Animal Farm. You know, all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others", as the witty review at Jabootu.com points out.

Good for hating Kilmer and calling Brando a has-been.